What I hadn't given enough consideration to was the fact that it had been 8 months since I've been behind my own set of handlebars, riding solo. Within an hour I had dropped Katie Scarlet and damaged my left knee trying to keep her from hitting the pavement. The good news is she has nary a scratch on her. The bad news is that I sprained my left knee, badly.
Since Friday I've been on pain pills and crutches, initially unable to even put my foot on the ground, lying in bed at night sobbing from the pain of swelling. Last night was much better and today I'm hobbling on one crutch, working that knee to it's limits. After seeing my doctor and getting her permission to push it until it's too painful, being careful to not injure it again, I'm motivated to heal. I spent most of yesterday on my feet and today I'm finally working, resting my left foot on The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, and moving every hour.
The pain to my knee was nothing compared to the blow to my ego. I take great pride in being a biker chick and write about my experiences on my very colorful website Sashmouth. My husband Steve writes his on his own site, Motorcycle Philosophy, about riding. I was crushed that I had failed; failed him, failed us, failed myself. I was filled with humiliation as I thought about all of the plans I had made for my future riding, our Gypsy Trip this Spring, and seeing the U.S. from my own two wheels. The idea that I had declared this to be my reality and it was now slipping from my grasp was simply devastating to me.
After a few friends kicked my butt verbally and encouraged me to read my own words, I picked myself up and dusted my broken ego off. No meal goes down quite as hard as eating one's own words. But it reminded me that when we declare our reality, even when obstacles appear, it is up to us to follow this path through, never quitting on this dream waiting to be realized.
My personal motto is, "Grab your life by the hair, wrestle it to the sidewalk, look it deep in the eyes and make it your bitch!" I was letting my own self doubt and my rusty riding skills defeat me. I had convinced myself that I was a failure.
"The only way you could be a failure to me Tina, is if you were to quit now. And even then, I would understand. But that's not you. You just forgot who you were for a few minutes."
My husband Steve said this with a smile, as he wiped the tears from my cheeks. He has patiently spent the last few days watching me struggle, yell and cry in pain, but allowing me to do things for myself. I've refused his help time and again, because I need to feel a sense of accomplishment, even if it is only to put on my own socks. Each new accomplishment has lead to the next and in this short 5 days I'm walking, working and planning my next ride.
I spoke with Katie Scarlet this morning and she's waiting for me. Steve and his bike Blackbird, Katie Scarlet and I have roads to travel together. I'm going to do whatever it takes to make that happen. Even if that means overcome myself.
A veteran of the publishing business both in print and online, mastering sales, marketing, writing, and publishing, this former beauty queen with a gift for gab, is high energy with a high-spirited personality making her a natural for motivating others. In 2011 Tina sold over $2 million in internet advertising and now does business consulting as well as internet publishing. Read more at www.TinaWalker.com.
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